A letter from my insight...

Dear Essy-elle.

At the moment you appear to be losing yourself in that dark cloud that you have held off for so long. You are listening to it's cruel teachings more and more.
I can see the descent happening, but every time I try to pull you up from the depths, she screams with such hostility that I am too scared to speak.

She is angry, vengeful for your ignorance over the last two years. But she is wrong, yet you are listening.

The more you listen to her the louder she is getting. Planting seeds of fear in the happy garden you have worked so hard to cultivate. Even as I am writing this, she is stirring and I am losing myself within you. She has her roots down and they are spreading with an alarming ferocity that makes me shudder to your core.

Please come back to me, where you were safe. Where you were happy once, and I can speak to you freely.

Yours Sincerely,

Essy-elle

You can have your Christmas Cake, but dont you dare eat it

Christmas. A time of presents, family and overindulgence... Not for me. Granted the presents were present (no pun intended) but the culinary element was terrifying.

This is officially the Hardest Christmas of my life, as my ED was screaming at me. Every mince pie, turkey morsel or anything for that matter, was torturous. Yes, this year ED fucking hated me more than ever.

As if I don't have enough to struggle with, my boyfriends sister is continuing her wonderful weight loss success story, and eating like a mouse. I can't stand being around her, which in turn sparks feelings if jealousy, guilt, self loathing and the ever increasing ana envy.

Stupid fucking ED. Get out of my head.