Long awaited....Soliloquy... It's all just fucked anyway.

What is actually going on in here? The real situation....

Not happy. Distinctly unhappy in fact... why do you stay with someone who hurts you so much without even knowing it? He doesn't know because you don't tell him.... but... there is good reason for that... Better to say nothing than to lose the inevitable argument.

Better to be hurt than be alone. Alone... that is the other choice. No point telling him why he hurts you, tried that one it doesn't fall on empathetic ears.

You should just kill yourself. Stop thinking about it constantly and being a fucking coward and just do it.

People will be sad for a while. You will hurt people by doing it but eventually their hurt will ease... better that than being a constant burden like you are now. Emotional burden. Financial burden. Fucking pointless human being. This is the only reason you are staying... you don't want to live for yourself... only because your dying would hurt others. So why not be selfish for once? All you ever do is look after everyone else. Every time you've tried to do something for yourself you end up hurting others. Making mistakes... messing things up... its what you're good at.

He was right anyway... you are pathetic. Needy and pathetic. Can't function on your own....

Even your friends don't really like you... all talk about you behind your back... People don't like you at work, they think you talk too much. You do talk too much. You're annoying, and irritating. You gave up on your eating disorder... it was the only thing you were half decent at... and half decent is a stretch.

Is it not just better to end it than feel THIS bad? This angry? This sad? This worthless?

Aren't you tired? Tired of telling everyone that you're just tired? You are NOT just tired. Stop being ok... everyone thinks you're ok but you're not... now when you're not ok they will not expect it and you will hurt them more... but I suppose that's what you're good at... as we have just discussed..