Starving the Anger Gremlin

In my previous employment role, we referred to anger as a gremlin that needs to be starved. An ironic concept really when applied to myself.

I find myself in a rather odd mood since my return from holiday, and although it had only been a day I fear that this mood is not going anywhere fast.

I am finding that I no longer trust myself and my own actions. My thoughts are scattered... impulsive... and at times pretty frightening to be honest. Find below, a couple of examples:

Strange impulse no. 1
A recurring one, in which I seriously considered jumping off the balcony whilst on my wonderful holiday... Not that I would have done it I imagine but the thought was scarily there.

Strange impulse no. 2
Cutting. A behaviour long behind me has been making small cameos in my conscious thoughts recently. But more worrying is the current strength of these urges... every time something even vaguely causes my mood to even drop in the slightest.

At this moment in time, my internal monologue is not one to be trusted. Even by me. A familiar voice gets louder and electrical impulses power a fearful and anxious engine, the resulting thoughts becoming a wave of angry, self loathing and all consuming fear.

I am almost afraid to be alone with myself. Something is coming, and I can feel it growing inside me.The Ivy putting down fresh new roots, stronger roots. Some dudd mechanical part of my sanity is going to vent under the pressure and, although I am unsure as to whether I wish to be present for this, it would appear (being as it is coming from inside my own head) that I have little choice in the matter.

My solution to this impending explosion/implosion? Avoid human contact as much as possible. Stay away from people. After all, I have already learned that I cannot be trusted not to express myself since my methods of expression appear to reap trouble and emotional strife for myself.

So the solution is simple really.

Stay away from as many people as possible. (Less interaction = less chance of saying something offensive.)
Speak as little as I have to. (As above)
Eat only as much as I need to. (Less food = better control)
Cry as much as I can on my own so as not to burden others with my pathetic problems. (Less crying = happier others)