First Support Group

Last night, I went to my first support group. It has taken me at least three months to build up the courage to go.

The primary reason that I have for avoiding such a helpful intervention is simple. Last year, I worked as a support worker in a specialist eating disorders unit. I would love to say that this was only because I wanted to help others who had been through what I had, but there was another reason. If I am being totally honest with myself, I knew that this position would keep my own ED at bay, and keep me on an even, three meal a day keel.

Anyway, back to why this support group was so difficult. I was scared. Scared that I would see someone I knew, either a patient, or a fellow staff member. I was terrified and ashamed that anyone would find out my failings as a strong pillar of recovery.

But I went last night.

I arrived at the group and there was only one other girl there. I found myself immediately asking her who ran the group. As I asked, the facilitator entered the room.

Fuck.

I then had a further agonising choice to make. Do I run out now before I am seen and my shame and failure is exposed, or do I do what I know is the right thing for me to do? I got up, and spoke to my friend.

And it was OK.

In fact, the group went well, and although I left upset, I found it helpful. It was nice to see that there were other people going through the EXACT same fears as I was. I also realised from looking around the group, that eating disorders are NOT all about BMI, as I was around average size wise to the majority of the group.

After the group my friend said that I should join her and some of my old work friends for a drink. Even after knowing about my relapse, they still wanted to be my friends. It would appear that my shame was unfounded to some extent.

So there it was, my first support group, and I think I'll go back next month.