Automated Punch Rant...

Wouldn't life be much simpler if we could all just punch the people who piss us off and then everything would miraculously be ok?

Today I am hideously upset.

Punch number one:

You people down at the housing benefit office, with your slow to react eyes and fingers when my form hits your sterilised desk, disturbing your coffee and ryvita minis. Yeah I'm talking to you! Pull your finger out and take the time from your extremely busy schedule of status updating and discussing Susan in finance's gastric band surprising lack of weight loss to at least look at my form. I am in arrears with my rent (or at least, I would be if my father was not so incredibly supportive - of course far far away from my punch list) thanks to you. But what do you care? You just see me the same way you see the odd, scruffy looking man stood well within my personal space in the que chewing your gum excessively loudly in my ear.

Punch number two: Man in the que up in my personal space chewing gum excessively loudly in my ear.

Punch number three:

Unison. I left my job in January. my agreement resulting in my being entitled to £2500 compensation and £3000 back pay should be fucking sorted out by now. Stop fobbing me off, and sort it out! I want that money! It's not even as if I'm taking my compensation and going on a round the world once in a lifetime trip after a slip and fall in meadowhall... I need the money to pay my rent and bills before my life literally gets cut off.

Punch number four:

Work. I am finding it difficult enough as it is managing this bowl of salad and treacherous bread roll, without you calling me back off my lunch every three milliseconds to serve on the counter. Result ... after five attempts at eating the bread roll (and being called back to work every time) I admit defeat and throw it in the bin. This act is then followed by an hours silent treatment to everyone chased with a crying episode over the industrial stainless steel sink in the back.

There are other punches, but these ones I am omitting as I feel a stab of guilt for wanting to throw them in the first place. I'm only glad that my arms don't have a knee jerk (see what I did there?) "automated punch response" every time I am upset or annoyed. If they did I would possibly be serving some kind of custodial sentence at this precise moment after several assaults... as well as the theft of a few bags of sweet chilli ryvita minis from the housing benefit offices.

So there you go. For all of you on the list... you can all just fuck off. Please excuse my foul mouthed use of the English language. I am rather unhappy.