Its nice to see that summer has finally shown signs of returning this year. The smell is always the first indicator... like when the sun hits the tarmac for a prolonged period of time, leaving that smell that, for some inexplicable reason, is really comforting to me.
The introduction of more colour into the wardrobes of the people walking past as I walk to work, makes me feel the need to once again premier my sunglasses for the year. The Starbucks drink of choice has slowly ebbed from the caramel macciato to a caramel coffee light frappacino (whip free of course).
My favourite things about this time of year is the flowers. I love Spring flowers, almost more than summer ones. I always wonder if its because I am so happy to see them, that they give summer flowers less of an edge. Regardless of reason, I love walking through the Botanical Gardens and my local park, even if its raining a little.
The streets almost appear a little busier as people decide to leave their cars at home, me included (although I have no choice due to my burnt out clutch bearing!). Which, in turn clears the air... allowing for the smell of... well... warm tarmac... which I like so all is good in the world.
As for my ED, it remains the same. No worse, but not much better. Granted I am following my meal plan, eating more of a "variety" of foods, challenging my thoughts (which are plaguing and all consuming at times). I appear to take two steps forwards and one step back all the time. A meal out and a fear food, followed by days of absolute torture and compulsions to exercise and restrict.
On a happier note, I have decided to channel my love of Zumba into a possible source of income, by applying to undertake the instructor training.... and although things at my sandwich shop job are better, I still feel anxious and on edge, half of the time from the constant onslaught of ED thoughts, and the other half consumed with feelings on doubt and fear of error.
But the promise of summer gives me some hope, of brightness with regards to the weather at least, and on the back of that further hopes may ride in.
From Under the Ivy Tree: Snippets of confusion from a life more ordinary
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